Archive for Musings


At work today, my stomach was very upset, but I continued to work.  The only sign that anything was wrong was the garbage can next to my leg.  When I realized I was going to throw up, I grabbed that garbage can and headed for the washroom.

I was violently ill and the back of my head felt like it might explode!  When I finished, I washed up, rinsed my mouth, tied up the garbage bag and carried it out to the dumpster.  Then I went back to work.

If I had been aware of another person becoming ill at work, I would have encouraged, no insisted, that they go home and take care of themselves.  Why do I not show that kind of compassion to myself?

I can hear my mother’s voice now…  “If you’re too sick to go to school, you’re too sick to watch tv (or read or play with your dolls or (you fill in the blank)”.

Growing up, I took those words to heart and I built on them.  I subconciously believed that if I showed compassion for myself, I was weak.  Strong people do not let hardships stop them; they persevere no matter what.

Then I took that one step further and decided that accepting help was also a sign of weakness.  I believe I must do everything myself.  Asking for or accepting help is weak.  If I am strong, hard-working and self-reliant I will be more loveable.  Right?  People will see what a good girl I am and they will love me.

On my drive home from work tonight, I realized that the little girl inside me was sobbing.  She didn’t feel good.  She just wanted someone to hold her and tell her she mattered.  When people at work tried to show me compassion, asking if I needed to go home, I completely dismissed her feelings and said NO, I am fine, I will keep working.  

Also tonight, a friend offered to do some extra work in the morning so I could rest and I said “BS, I can sit and work at a computer, I did it today”.  And it’s true, I am able to do the work, but am I turning down the offer of help only to prove how strong I am?  Did I think to ask the little girl inside me what she needed?

Tonight, I am going to warm up some broth, get into my PJs, my fuzzy pink robe and my warm slippers.  Then I am going to relax, sip my soup and tell that little girl I do care how she feels and I am sorry for dismissing her feelings today and every day in the past.  I am going to hug her and tell her I love her and promise to be more caring and thoughtful in the future.  And I am going to follow through with that promise!

No, I won’t be perfect, but I will keep working at it and I will get better in time.

Do you sometimes have difficulty showing compassion for yourself?  What false beliefs are you hiding behind?  What if today, you make a promise to do better and then you follow through with that promise.

Give yourself a hug and some love…. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

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I have made casual references to emotional eating in the past several months. Until recently I had my emotional eating under control for over five years, but that has changed. I try to downplay the seriousness, but I don’t think I am fooling anyone, least of all me!

Admitting that I am battling this demon again has me weeping tears of frustration. Will people take my weight loss advice seriously if they know I am not perfect?

I believe that admitting there is a problem is the first step to getting back on track. I hope that sharing my story will give others permission to ask for help. No one needs to do it all alone. Do not be afraid to ask for help!

I have tried to be completely open and honest about my life in the past; however, what I discovered about myself last year was such a shock that I was at a loss to know how to deal with it. What I do know is that keeping secrets does not work! It can eat you alive from the inside out!

In October 2013, at the age of 59 and just a few weeks after walking away from my 37 year marriage, I was shocked to find myself romantically attracted to a woman. I always had gay and lesbian friends, but I never questioned my own sexual orientation.

Have you read stories about gay women who knew from a very young age that they were different from other little girls? That was not my experience.

You may be asking yourself what this has to do with weight loss?

A Boston study determined that lesbians are twice as likely to be obese as straight women. 

The study concluded this may be due to cultural differences (that women in relationships with men feel more pressure to be thin). I suspect that the emotional issues gay women face also play a significant role!

When I am using food to eat my emotions, my mentor told me to ask myself this question: “What am I trying to swallow, shove down or avoid”?

How would you answer that question?

What if, right now you reached out to get help with your emotional eating!

I would love to hear your thoughts…

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I wish I had a dollar for every person that told me they can’t afford to buy organic! 

The picture below caught my eye on Facebook this week…

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When you compare what it costs to buy organic versus what you currently spend on groceries, are you including all the extras you buy for yourself and the family during the week? Do you include snacks and fast food meals? You might be surprised how much you are actually spending on “food”!

Where could you cut back and free up money to buy more nutritious food? Fast food, chips, sodas, coffees, muffins, candy? Maybe all of these?

You don’t need to give up all your pleasures, but what if you skipped some for a mere two days a week and used the extra cash to pad your grocery allowance so you could buy some organic items?

It isn’t necessary to buy everything organic. Some produce have thicker skin and I believe they are less likely to absorb pesticides. A short list of examples is avocados, onions, mangoes, asparagus, grapefruit, sweet potato and cantaloupe.

WARNING: organic or not, wash ALL produce!

Read the picture above and really take in the message. Ask yourself “what am I spending money on that I could live without”? It may surprise you how much extra money you can free up each week!

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Driving down the street the other day, I was struck by the fact that most gas stations today have fast food restaurants connected to them.

Have you ever wondered how that trend got started?  Do you think an executive at one of the big gas stations was sitting with their feet propped up on the desk one day, pondering the world’s problems and suddenly jumped up shouting “Aha!  I know what the world needs; another place to buy fast food!

I’m being facetious of course.  In fact, my research found that it was actually the other way around.  It was food stores in the eastern United States that installed gas pumps and began selling gas.

Another thought – did the selling of food and other items also play a part in removing full service pumps and employees from a lot of gas stations?

Obviously the gas station would reap the additional profits of paying fewer employees, but think about it…  if you have to get up and out of your car to pump your own gas, you are much more likely to walk into the store and purchase something than if you remained seated in your car.

Do we really need access to more fast food?

Do you have a trick that helps you avoid sabotaging your good eating with these temptations?

I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!


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Do you believe your children’s happiness is your responsibility?  If so, when do you believe that responsibility ends?  Are you to ensure they are happy only up to a certain age?  If so, at what age are you done… 16, 18, 21, 30?  Or do you believe this is a life-long responsibility and giving birth should be the end of any and all dreams you have for your life?

I shared last year that I made the decision to leave my marriage after 37 years.  This was not a decision I arrived at easily; I struggled with it for many years.  My husband and I were great friends, we still are to this day, but I felt like something was missing.  I did not believe that either of us were truly happy.

We were very comfortable and while many people are good with comfortable, I felt like something was missing even if i couldn’t put into words exactly what I needed at that point.  I wasn’t getting any younger.  My two sons were grown with children and grandchildren of their own.  I felt like this was my last chance to find happiness.


When we told our sons that we were separating, the youngest announced “if you leave Dad, I will not be happy”.  My son was 41 years old at the time, but it was still extremely hard for me to tell him that “making him happy was not my job”.

It was even more painful to stick to my guns when he withdrew himself and his family from me after I left.  It has been over five months since my son, his wife and his son and daughter have spoken to me.  This means I have also not seen my 3 year old great-grandson in that time.  It is hard to accept, but I live with the hope that one day they will see that their dad and I are happier apart and they will come around.  I want my grandchildren to see me as a strong woman who stood up for what she believed in spite of all opposition.

I believe happiness can only be found within yourself.  You should not look to others to make you happy.  Searching within for your happiness is not an easy task, but you are worth the effort!

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Previously, I told you I had found another new way to bring my “sexy” back, but I wanted to wait until after Christmas to unveil it.  That is because this was a Christmas present for someone I love and I wanted it to be a surprise.  Now that Christmas is over, I would like to share a couple of those pictures with you.

I found a photographer I was totally comfortable with,and had him take “boudoir” photos of me. James Smith, the sexual healer that appeared on two episodes of my Phit and Phabulicious! radio show was my photographer of choice.  I highly recommend you consider having your own boudoir photos taken.  If you are in the Vancouver area and would like to contact James, please refer to my website’s Friends and Resources page at  Or look for a reputable photographer in your area.

I did not wear make-up or have my hair done because I wanted my photos to be raw and natural, but you can do whatever makes you feel sexy.

Give your photos to that special someone in your life or give them as a gift to yourself.  You are beautiful and you are worth it!


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Look at the picture below before you read another sentence…

Be completely honest…  what was your first thought?

The mannequins in the picture below are size 12 and size 16.  The average woman is a size 14.  Some people – “they” – are saying that displaying these mannequins condone obesity.  WTF!

The first time I looked at the picture below, I honestly thought those mannequins are fat!  We are so accustomed to see skinny, unrealistic size models that now “average” women look enormous in comparison.

But every time I look again, the mannequins look more normal to me.  It is my opinion that we need to see more average-size women in advertising and in stores so our children (and all people) become less judgmental of their bodies and begin accepting that women of all sizes are beautiful (because they are)!

I believe children and adults can learn to love and accept their bodies if they are not constantly subjected to abnormal body images in magazines and stores.

What do you believe?  Please share your thoughts!

FB post - large mannequins

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I was reminded of something last weekend, which I feel compelled to warn you about…

There are people in your life that will abandon you if you insist on losing weight.  They might leave after 50 lbs. or after 100 lbs., maybe even as early as after 20 lbs.

Whenever you do something outside the “norm” of your social or family group, you are going to upset somebody!

It is not because your friends or family are bad people or that they do not love you or want the best for you, but, generally, people do not like change. And when you do something that moves you out of “normal”, they will want to put you back in your place.

I wonder if you have ever heard one of these statements: “come on, one won’t hurt” or “you can go back to your healthy eating after the party / after the weekend / next week / next month”?  Well they might as well say on the 12th of Never, because that is likely to be when you will recover from that sabotage!

You are going to have to decide RIGHT NOW!… are you 100% committed and who are you doing this for?  Because unless you are ALL IN, you are likely not going to make it!

And I have to tell you, this applies to anything important in your life, not just weight loss.

So, what’s your answer?  Are you committed to do this for you?  And are you prepared to let the saboteurs go if that is what is required for you to get back to health?  

Only you have the answer… 

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Tuesday, June 4th was the debut of the new live “Phit and Phabulicious!TM” radio show on Contact Talk Radio.  The feedback has touched my heart!  Thank you to everyone that has written to tell me and co-host Scott Paton how the show has impacted them!

If you did not get a chance to listen to the show live, check out the archive at  This is also the link to listen to the show live every Tuesday afternoon at 3pm PST.

On the show, one of the tools we discussed was an appreciation journal.  The exercise is to stand in front of a mirror naked and find three (3) things you like about your body.  This may not be easy or comfortable in the beginning!  You see, a lot of us have gotten in the habit of focusing on a negative body image…  Well, it’s time we change that!

There are many positive things about your body!  Look closely.  And if you have trouble finding them, ask someone for help.  You may be surprised at all the wonderful things the people in your life see in you!  Just ask the question, breathe and really take in their answers.

You are beautiful and you matter!


Blog - love every part of your body

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While attending Dov Baron’s Authentic Speaker Academy for Leadership, one particular “code of conduct” especially stood out for me…

GRATITUDE:  I take nothing for granted. I release all entitlement and treat everything I receive as a gift.

What this means to me is I am not “owed” anything; I choose to say thank you for everything I receive even if it is something I did not request and even if I don’t particularly like it.  If someone takes the time to share with you, they deserve your gratitude.  I have found when I live in gratitude, I always receive more than I give.  

I am truly grateful for the people that have come into my life through my blog!  Thank you to all my friends, new and old!

What are you grateful for today?












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