Someone asked me why I didn’t blog last week.  I responded that “I didn’t have any big aha moments so there was nothing to report.”  I’ve had some time to think about what I said and I now believe it was a mistake to skip last week.  My response implied if nothing big happens, then that week is a write-off…a nothing week, but in fact, there will often be weeks where nothing happens and yet there can still be a lot of learning.  I beg your understanding as I am always learning.  I will do better next time!

There was a “happening” in my life this week, a shameful experience I am not excited to share, but when I try to bury shameful secrets deep inside, they come back to haunt me.  I start to believe I am the only one that has experienced this and begin to eat my emotions in an attempt to numb them and keep those awful feelings away.  My numbing drug of choice was cookies this time, but only four, which is a win of sorts for me.  I bounced back much more quickly this time.  Now I need to tell my story and get it out in the open so it is no longer controlling my actions!

I went for dinner with my parents on Friday evening to a local Thai restaurant.  It is a lovely place that I have frequented in the past so I felt very comfortable walking in their door.  I approached the hostess and asked for a table for three and mentioned we would love if we could sit in the little balcony area at the back.  She looked at me a bit funny and mumbled something about sitting on the main floor.  I looked at the balcony and could see there was no one there this early in the evening so I tried again.  “We would really like to sit on the balcony,” I said.  This time, her comment was a bit clearer, “The chairs on the main floor are much roomier.”  WTH!  Is she saying what I think she’s saying?!  Is this tiny Asian girl really trying to tell me my ass is too big for their chairs!

This would have been the perfect opportunity for me to use the “sitting on your face” comment I told you about in an earlier blog, but as I stood there and felt the shame begin to boil up from my gut and wash over me, I wasn’t thinking about catchy phrases.  I very indignantly told her that we had eaten on the balcony a number of times and those chairs were just fine.  How dare she!  I was very aware of her watching me as we were seated on the balcony so I made a show of plopping my butt down into the chair with a “See!  I told you it fit!” flounce!

I am still processing this experience.  I don’t know whether to put a kind spin on her actions or get really pissed.  Was she trying to help me avoid embarrassment or was she aggressively attempting to embarrass me?  I have no way to know what she might be dealing with in her own life or what might have happened to her that evening.  For now, I will give her the benefit of the doubt.  Something I read in Brene Brown’s book “Rising Strong” (my take-away from her words, not an exact quote) really struck a chord with me.  Right now I will choose to believe she was doing the very best she could in that situation because that makes my life better.

I would love if you shared a similar experience and how you handled it.  Or maybe you would just like to share your thoughts on how feel you might have handled this situation?  If you don’t want to make a public comment, please feel free to reach out to me with a personal message on my Facebook page

To finish, I am going to quote my eBook from 2013 and say, “The weight between your ears is causing the weight on your ass.”  I believe by sharing another shameful secret, I am dropping more of the weight between my ears and this will ultimately impact my ass. What if today, you reach out to someone you trust and share a shameful secret?  Give it a try and see how much lighter you feel!

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  1. Joy says:

    That was inappropriate for her to say and if I was you, I’d be pissed! Yes, the PC response is to blow it off; or say maybe she was just trying to ‘protect’ me from something (embarrassment, shame etc), maybe she was brought up that way etc etc. However, it wasn’t her job to ‘take care of you’ (which is what I’m getting she was doing). And by that I mean, it starts in childhood and then society perpetuates the belief that we are responsible for how each other feels and what happens to them. “No, we are NOT!”. If your butt hadn’t fit in that chair and you had felt embarrassment as a result, then that would have been your journey and there would have been a golden nugget in there for you (if you choose to recognize it). – Continuing in next comment, only given so much space here to write

  2. Joy says:

    What I’m saying, is that when we attempt to protect others or in some way take away their pain, not only are we devaluing them but we are also preventing them from learning whatever they need to learn. And that’s why things keep repeating in our lives, because we haven’t figured out what it is that we need to learn and or release so that we can move forward to another chapter in our lives.
    I think the way you handled it Deb was awesome. You felt pissed and you stood in your POWER and said “No! This is what I want and what I choose! Now get your ass in gear and give it to me!” lol YOU GO GIRL!

  3. Deb says:

    What you are saying makes so much sense, Joy! I have been guilty of trying to protect others in the past. Yes, we all have our own journey and we all need to experience the pain and joy of our journey if we are going to learn the lessons that come our way. I was worried that I handled it all wrong. I think buried deep down was some WWTT. Your words make me feel proud and strong! Thank you, Joy!!

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