It’s confession time! I need to pull my head out of my ass and deal with my reality, and admitting there is a problem is the first step!
I’ve been hiding for far too long. I was battling some emotional demons and felt myself starting to slide down that slippery slope to weight gain. In spite of the fact that I had previously lost 250 lbs. and I knew exactly what steps I had to take to avoid that slide, I let it happen.
I didn’t do any of the things I used to tell you to do:
- Decide that you need to make some changes and start making small changes today – don’t put them off until “tomorrow”
- Ask for help, don’t try to do it all by yourself
- Don’t operate from a mindset of lack…think about the good things you can add to your eating instead of what you need to take away
I told myself that I couldn’t admit I was having problems. I was supposed to be a weight loss expert. I couldn’t let anyone know that I wasn’t perfect. WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK?!
The fact is, I have gained weight. How much? I don’t know and I don’t care! Remember, I told you to throw away your scale – you don’t need to know how much you weigh, you just need to know how your clothes fit and how you feel?
Well, I had to buy larger clothes and I feel like shit! My joints ache and I can’t move like I used to. I’ve even given up walking and the Aquasize fitness classes that I love. I told myself this was only temporary—tonight I will just finish eating up all the crappy food in the cupboards and fridge and then tomorrow I will get back to my healthy eating. I’ve got this. I’ve lost weight before and I can do it again.
Surprise! Tomorrow never came. I had to keep buying new crappy food so I could finish eating it tonight and start tomorrow. I was caught in an endless loop of my own making…one I didn’t feel I could pull out of. I’m not sure I wanted to pull out of it…I was committing suicide by food!
I am truly grateful for the amazing people in my life that stood by me through all this turmoil. They believed, when I did not, that I would pull through and begin the journey back to my healthier self. You know who you are. I love you!
It’s time for me to get “back to basics”. Part of my journey back to health will be posting blogs on a more regular basis. Yes, I already know what I need to do, but I haven’t been doing it, so maybe I need to learn it on a deeper level. I will start back at the beginning and learn it all over again.
If you, like me, have been struggling and are feeling unwell, please join me. Forget what is past and let’s create a new future together. We can do this! We are worth the effort!
If you cannot accept that I have made mistakes and I have learned from them, then unlike my page and move on with your life.
My first inclination was to apologize for letting people down, but what I have come to realize is that I am the only one I let down. And if you think back, you will remember that one of the first lessons I taught others is self-love and forgiveness. I am not perfect. I made mistakes. I forgive myself. <3
“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can,
and the wisdom to know…IT’S ME!”