Tag Archive for Body Image

TEARS OF SHAME IN THE HOT TUB!

I put my new swimsuit to work this week.  In my mind, I saw myself arriving at the pool, delicately climbing down the ladder into the pool (have they not heard that stairs have been invented?), and beginning to walk/run lengths of the pool to loosen up my sore knee.  I was certain the water would support my old joints and I would become poetry in motion in the water.  I expected that after my time exercising and stretching in the pool, I would nimbly climb back out and be amazed at how much easier it was to move.

Umm, not so much.  While attempting to climb backwards down those narrow steps to gracefully enter the pool, I lost my grip on the metal handles and proceeded to fall unceremoniously into the pool, gasping as I hit the cool water!

“Well, at least there was only one other person in the pool and he was busy doing laps so I don’t think he saw your performance,” snarled Munch.

At last, I had reached my destination…I was waist deep in the buoyant water where I felt more at home than on dry, solid land.  Finally, I would be able to walk without pain, at least that is how I imagined it would be.  It turned out, even in water my knee acted up, but it wasn’t nearly as painful as walking on solid ground, so I just carried on and hoped that the pain would die down once the joint was stretched out and lubricated.

I had every moment of my time mapped out that morning.  I would walk/run for 45 minutes.  Then after 10 minutes in the hot tub, I would still have almost a full hour to shower and do my full beauty regimen before climbing in the car and heading to work.

What I hadn’t planned for, was how bloody boring it would be to walk laps in a pool for 45 minutes.  I tried to make it more interesting by timing myself and trying to better my best time each lap.  I also changed it up by alternating between walking and swimming.  Finally, it was over!  That wasn’t so bad, was it?  Uh huh.

Now it was time to jump out of the pool and head to the hot tub – my second favourite spot on earth!  What I didn’t allow for was how bloody tired my body would be from a mere 45-minutes of exercise.  I placed my foot on the bottom rung of the ladder and started to climb out.  O M G!!  Once my body emerged from the buoyant water, it suddenly felt like it weighed twice as much!  In addition, my leg muscles were fatigued from the exercise and I was having a terrible time to pull myself up out of the pool!  I gripped the metal bars with every ounce of strength I could muster and finally managed to step up onto the pool deck.  Thank goodness the other swimmer had already left and wasn’t witness to this performance!

Back on dry land, I wasn’t able to move with the grace I had shown in the water.  I kind of shuffled over to the hot tub (thank the universe the hot tub had stairs I could walk down), I turned on the jets and walked down into the soothing water, crossed to the other side of the hot tub, sank down into the rolling, soothing waters, closed my eyes, and burst into tears!

I felt so ashamed!  How had I allowed myself to get into such sad shape again?  Similar to my experience in the airplane washroom in 2009, even though no one had witnessed my humiliation, I felt totally, overwhelmingly ashamed!  But this time, I knew better than to try and hide my shame.

What I have learned since 2009 is, there are very few things that grow well in the dark…mushrooms and shame are the only two I know.  I’ve learned if I hide my shame, if I refuse to acknowledge what I am feeling, the shame will paralyze me—I won’t be able to get past the experience and I will shut down and will continue eating to try to numb the feelings…and we all know how that ends, don’t we?  In fact, while I was sitting in the hot tub, Munch was already planning what wonderful foods I could buy that evening that would make me feel better.

Just a couple days after my pool adventure, I am still so sore and stiff I am having trouble moving.  This wasn’t how I pictured this adventure would go, but I am dealing with the cards I am dealt.  I will give my body a bit more time to recover and then I will head back into the pool.

Hell, no, I am not giving up! Hell, yes, I will always pray for an empty pool with no witnesses to my ineptness until I improve my agility!  But witnesses or not, I will keep trying!

Do you have a shameful secret you are hiding because you don’t believe anyone else has experienced it and no one else will understand?

What would happen if, today you choose one trusted person in your life and share your story with them and tell them how it made you feel?  Maybe you will find out you are not alone?  Maybe the simple act of sharing your story will give them permission to release their own shame?  Maybe by shining a light on your shameful secret you can finally release it and forgive yourself?  That is what I wish for you!

You, like me, are doing the best you can.  Forgive yourself.  Just keep trying to do a little bit better every day!  You’ve got this!

 

http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photos-swimming-pool-image28313928

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

YOU’RE TOO FAT TO WEAR THAT SWIMSUIT IN PUBLIC! WWTT?!

That’s what Munch is telling me this weekend.  You remember Munch, the annoying voice in my head?  I know I need to move my body more, but I have given up the walking I love because it is excruciatingly painful for my knee with the extra weight I am carrying again.

As I puzzled over how I could begin to move more, a lightbulb came on!  I remembered how easy it was to move in the water when I was at my Aquasize class.  Ta da!  I could walk in the pool at my gym without pain!

On Friday, I went shopping and bought a new swimsuit.  I was totally excited about getting back into the pool…and then Munch chimed in.  You’re too fat to wear that swimsuit in public!  WWTT?  (What would they think?)

Dreaded WWTT disease was back!  This disease used to control my life.  I was paralyzed by it.  I thought I had conquered this years ago, but here it was raising its ugly head again and I was letting it dampen my excitement about going to the pool.

I love this saying…People who care, don’t matter and people who matter, don’t care.  But I also know it’s not easy to turn the other cheek when people say unkind and sometimes downright nasty things to you in public.  I keep telling myself they are saying more about themselves than me when they spout off, but that still doesn’t make it easy to ignore the hurt and pain they cause.

Before I head to the pool this week, I have armed myself with a come-back that I will use if I hear any comments about my weight.  I giggle every time I think of it.  I almost wish someone will make a derogatory comment just so I can look them in the eye and reply:

UNLESS I AM SITTING ON YOUR FACE, MY WEIGHT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

That may be too “out there” for you, but you do need to think about how you will react when, not if, there are comments.  There are a lot of damaged people out there who think that putting you down will make them feel better.

Maybe you are the type of person that can just let the comments fall away and totally ignore them.  Maybe you, like me, need to mentally prepare yourself to deal with the hurtful comments.  Whatever you do, you must push WWTT to the side and begin moving your body.  Your body will thank you for it!

 

http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photography-bather-fat-woman-boat-image34438337

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

SUICIDE BY FOOD!

It’s confession time!  I need to pull my head out of my ass and deal with my reality, and admitting there is a problem is the first step!

I’ve been hiding for far too long.  I was battling some emotional demons and felt myself starting to slide down that slippery slope to weight gain.  In spite of the fact that I had previously lost 250 lbs. and I knew exactly what steps I had to take to avoid that slide, I let it happen.

I didn’t do any of the things I used to tell you to do:

  • Decide that you need to make some changes and start making small changes today – don’t put them off until “tomorrow”
  • Ask for help, don’t try to do it all by yourself
  • Don’t operate from a mindset of lack…think about the good things you can add to your eating instead of what you need to take away

I told myself that I couldn’t admit I was having problems.  I was supposed to be a weight loss expert.  I couldn’t let anyone know that I wasn’t perfect.  WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK?!

The fact is, I have gained weight.  How much?  I don’t know and I don’t care!  Remember, I told you to throw away your scale – you don’t need to know how much you weigh, you just need to know how your clothes fit and how you feel?

Well, I had to buy larger clothes and I feel like shit!  My joints ache and I can’t move like I used to.  I’ve even given up walking and the Aquasize fitness classes that I love.  I told myself this was only temporary—tonight I will just finish eating up all the crappy food in the cupboards and fridge and then tomorrow I will get back to my healthy eating.  I’ve got this.  I’ve lost weight before and I can do it again.

Surprise!  Tomorrow never came.  I had to keep buying new crappy food so I could finish eating it tonight and start tomorrow.  I was caught in an endless loop of my own making…one I didn’t feel I could pull out of.  I’m not sure I wanted to pull out of it…I was committing suicide by food!

I am truly grateful for the amazing people in my life that stood by me through all this turmoil.  They believed, when I did not, that I would pull through and begin the journey back to my healthier self.  You know who you are.  I love you!

It’s time for me to get “back to basics”.  Part of my journey back to health will be posting blogs on a more regular basis.  Yes, I already know what I need to do, but I haven’t been doing it, so maybe I need to learn it on a deeper level.  I will start back at the beginning and learn it all over again.

If you, like me, have been struggling and are feeling unwell, please join me.  Forget what is past and let’s create a new future together.  We can do this!  We are worth the effort!

If you cannot accept that I have made mistakes and I have learned from them, then unlike my page and move on with your life.

My first inclination was to apologize for letting people down, but what I have come to realize is that I am the only one I let down.  And if you think back, you will remember that one of the first lessons I taught others is self-love and forgiveness.  I am not perfect.  I made mistakes.  I forgive myself.  <3

 

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,

               the courage to change the one I can,

                and the wisdom to know…IT’S ME!”

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

FLASHBACK! WHAT DO SEX, FLOAT SPAS & POO ALL HAVE IN COMMON?

I was the host and executive producer of The Phit & Phabulicious! radio show.  My co-host was Scott Paton, a man of a million stories.

After the first months, I struggled to come up with show topics every week, but this eased once I realized the most successful shows came from real life happenings.  I didn’t need to create topics, I was living them.

Some of the best feedback I received came from listeners who followed the story of my skin-removal surgery.   I wrote several blogs on this subject.  Check them out beginning on January 27, 2013 at http://debrondeau.com/blog.

Maarten Van Nus, personal trainer extraordinaire, was a repeat guest.  He has an unrivaled knowledge of the workings of the human body.  Maarten was also the first person to teach me about the vital connection between the mind and the body.  He told me my weight loss would never be permanent if my mind was not prepared first.  Maarten was the inspiration for my visioning meditation CD / MP3 (Imagine… Your Ideal Body), which is available on my website at http://debrondeau.com/downloads/imagine-ideal-body-digital-download-2/.

Dr. Thierry Vrain was previously a soil biologist working with GMO foods (Genetically Modified Organisms) for the Canadian Department of Agriculture.  Since retiring 10 years previously, he has become an organic farmer and now Thierry devotes his time to spreading the word on the dangers of GMO foods.  He provided a ton of valuable information for our listeners!

Scott and I had a blast recording our show on Float Spas!  Our visit to the float spa inspired my blog on how a great-grandmother got naked and got her “sexy” back (December 2, 2013).  There is no feeling like it… floating naked in warm water saturated with Epsom salts.  You cannot tell where your skin ends and the water starts.

The water you drink is also vitally important.  Most water machines on the market are exorbitantly expensive. One of our show guests sells a product that can give you good drinking water at a reasonable price; it is called Krills.  Martin Pytela is the owner of life-enthusiast.com and you can check out his many offerings at http://www.life-enthusiast.com/?ref=29408.

We produced a three-show series exploring your feelings on sex versus intimacy with James Smith, sacred sexual healer.  James shared provocative information in such a way that you could look impartially at your current beliefs and decide if you wanted to keep them.  James also took the boudoir photos featured in one of my blogs and you can check them out at http://debrondeau.com/shot-boudoir/.

Sofia Reis is a hydro colon therapist.  Have you ever wondered what shape, colour and consistency your “poo” should be?  Did you know there is a correct way for your poo to float in the toilet bowl?  I bet you didn’t!  Listen to our show featuring Sofia and learn everything you always wanted to know about poo but were afraid to ask.  Get the answers you need and laugh as you learn.

If you missed any shows, or you simply want to listen again, you can find all the shows at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/phit-phabulicious-lose-weight/id579115642?mt=2.  If you want to learn more about any of our guests, you can read about them on my Friends & Affiliates page at http://debrondeau.com/radio/friends-and-affiliates/.  And finally, if you ever have questions or comments for me, I can be reached at deb@debrondeau.com.

I love to hear from you so don’t be a stranger…

DebALM2013

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT!

In my unrelenting search for fun ways to stay in shape, I recently joined a deep water aerobics class at a local rec center three mornings per week.  They use water weights (thank you jaymag.com for the picture below) in combination with ab and cardio exercises to help people lose weight and stay flexible.

Something I was reminded about during class last week, was the need to do intervals during exercise.  Have you been walking, running or biking for long periods, but find you are not losing weight?

What science tells us is the body will only use the energy (sugar) that is circulating in the blood stream during normal exercise unless you can find a way to convince it to dig into its’ energy reserves.

To do that, you need to ramp up your exercise level for about 30 seconds.  You must at least double or triple the speed at which you are exercising for that short period of time.  If you are not feeling warm or breathing faster, you are not working hard enough.  In only 30 seconds, you will give a great boost to your weight loss efforts.

This 30 second increase in effort will send a message to your body that additional energy is required and the body will then go into the cells and release some of that stored energy (fat).

You need to do this repeatedly (about every 5 minutes) during your exercise.  This is the only way you will lose weight!

What are you doing to keep your body flexible and young?  Would you be willing to share?  I would love to hear about it as I am always looking for new ways to keep active.  Pole-dancing anyone?

Water-dumbells

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

“I WON’T DO THAT!”

This blog is in response to all the women who told me they think dating yourself is a good idea, BUT they will NOT be going there.  I remember reacting exactly the same way last year.

Then I did some work with a sexual healer.   You met James Smith on my Phit & Phabulicious! radio shows on October 29th and November 5th.  Working with James helped me to become more comfortable sharing my feelings and opened my mind to many new possibilities.

Don’t get me wrong; nothing is ever a quick fix.  It can take months or years to overcome the misinformation about sexuality, emotions and feelings that is instilled in us as children, teens and adults by society.

Do you wish you had a better relationship with your loved one or partner?  Perhaps you need to open your mind to the possibility of dating yourself… if you don’t want to date yourself, why would anyone else?

 dreamstime Dating SM

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

DATE YOURSELF

I mentioned in an earlier blog that I wanted to “get back” sexual feelings I thought had been buried under layers of fat for many years.  I was very aware when I weighed 430 lb. that I did not enjoy sex, but looking back over my past, I cannot honestly say I ever remember sex being enjoyable.  This is not a commentary on the skill or enthusiasm of my partners, but illustrates how disconnected I was from my feelings long before my weight became an issue.

In order to get something back, don’t you have to have “had” it at some point?

Do you know what kind of touch feels best to you?  Do you know where you like to be touched?  Do you ever explore your own body to find these answers?  Or were you, like me, taught that this was not “proper” or that “good girls” don’t do that?

If you don’t know what pleases you, you cannot expect anyone else to know.  You must be able to tell your lover what you want and need.  If your current relationship is not everything you or your partner are looking for, why not do something about it.  I encourage you to begin exploring your own feelings.

You are never too old to have a complete and satisfying sex life.  Remember, it is NEVER too late to get your “sexy” back! 

Senior Couple Kissing in Bed with Whip Cream

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

SELF-EXPOSURE…

Getting your “sexy” back is a catchy phrase; it was chosen to grab the attention of my audience and to entertain.

For me, at the beginning of my weight loss journey, this meant getting back a smaller, more socially-acceptable body.

Once I felt and looked sexier, I decided to dig a bit deeper and then it meant getting back sexual feelings that had been buried under layers of fat for decades.

I was shocked to discover recently, at 59 years of age, that although my feelings were now closer to the surface, I was completely out of touch with them!  Do you sometimes feel uncertain about your purpose in life?

Join me in the coming days and weeks as I dig deeper and expose myself at a soul level so we can learn to navigate life’s twists and turns together…

More than ever I believe it is NEVER too late to get your sexy back!

Deb for Meli Culls12

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

SHOT IN THE BOUDOIR

Previously, I told you I had found another new way to bring my “sexy” back, but I wanted to wait until after Christmas to unveil it.  That is because this was a Christmas present for someone I love and I wanted it to be a surprise.  Now that Christmas is over, I would like to share a couple of those pictures with you.

I found a photographer I was totally comfortable with,and had him take “boudoir” photos of me. James Smith, the sexual healer that appeared on two episodes of my Phit and Phabulicious! radio show was my photographer of choice.  I highly recommend you consider having your own boudoir photos taken.  If you are in the Vancouver area and would like to contact James, please refer to my website’s Friends and Resources page at http://debrondeau.com/radio/friends-and-affiliates/.  Or look for a reputable photographer in your area.

I did not wear make-up or have my hair done because I wanted my photos to be raw and natural, but you can do whatever makes you feel sexy.

Give your photos to that special someone in your life or give them as a gift to yourself.  You are beautiful and you are worth it!

 

Deb for Meli Culls25Deb for Meli Culls28

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×

NAKED GREAT-GRANDMOTHER GETS HER “SEXY” BACK

Check out my video, then tune into the Phit and Phabulicious! radio show on Tuesday, December 3, 2013 at 3pm PST / 6pm EST for the full story of how this great-grandmother got naked and brought her “sexy” back at a “float” spa.

Radio

 

Install this web app on your Android: Tap menu, more options, and then Add Shortcut To Homescreen.×